Solo aging
Aging solo? You can still have someone in your corner
Solo agers are older adults without a spouse, partner or adult children to lean on, by choice or by circumstance. If that’s you, you deserve a plan, and a professional on your side, before a health crisis forces rushed decisions.
The gaps
What family usually does, that no one tells you about
Healthcare quietly assumes someone is standing next to you. When no one is, these are the places people get stuck.
Getting home after a procedure
Many hospitals and surgery centers won’t release you after sedation unless a responsible adult takes you home.
Speaking up in the hospital
Someone to ask questions, notice changes and push back when a discharge feels too soon.
Decisions if you can’t make them
Without a health care agent named in writing, the law may leave decisions to a distant relative, or to a court.
Noticing small changes
A missed medication, a fall, a little weight loss. The things family would usually catch.
Choosing the next level of care
Rehab, assisted living, home care or hospice, with no one to research the options alongside you.
Keeping track of it all
Doctors, medications, results and insurance, all held in one person’s head.
Your plan
8 steps to plan your care before you need it
You don’t have to do these all at once. Start with the first two.
- 1
Name a health care agent, and a backup
The person who speaks for you if you can’t. Choose someone who knows your wishes and will be reachable.
What is a health care surrogate? - 2
Put your wishes in writing
A living will (advance directive) covers the situations you can predict. Your agent handles the rest.
- 3
Make a one-page medical summary
Your doctors, medications, allergies, diagnoses and insurance, kept where emergency responders can find it.
- 4
Choose your emergency contacts
And tell them they’re on the list, so a call from a hospital isn’t a surprise.
- 5
Plan your rides before you book a procedure
Ask the facility about its escort rules first, then line up who will take you home.
- 6
Decide where you’d want care
Home care, assisted living or a community you’ve already toured. Deciding early keeps the choice yours.
- 7
See an elder law attorney
For powers of attorney, finances and the documents your state requires.
- 8
Build check-ins into your week
A friend, a neighbor, a faith community or a professional who would notice if something changed.
How I help
A nurse who stands next to you
I help people who don’t have a support system nearby, whether by choice or circumstance. I can be the person at the appointment, the one who reads the discharge plan and the one who keeps track of it all.
- I go to appointments with you, take notes and help you ask the right questions
- I watch over hospital stays and help plan a safe discharge
- Finding the right level of care: skilled nursing, short-term rehabilitation or assisted living
- Home care, home health and hospice referrals, with ongoing oversight
- Researching facilities, with recommendations and choices
- Helping you organize your wishes and supporting the person you name as your agent
“Dear Cheryl, Thank you for all of your support, guidance and professionalism through the past 6-7 weeks. You were a great help through the medical obstacles we faced. Please use us for a reference anytime. Our Best”
Read more
Solo aging articles
- Solo Aging Checklist: 8 Steps to Plan Your CareAging without a spouse or children nearby? Eight practical steps to plan your health care now, from naming a health care agent to building weekly check-ins.Read
- What Is a Health Care Surrogate?A health care surrogate makes medical decisions for you when you can’t. What the role involves, what it’s called in your state, and how to choose the right person.Read
- Who Will Take Me Home? Medical Procedures When You Live AloneMany facilities won’t release you after sedation without a responsible adult. How solo agers can plan rides, recovery and the first night home after a procedure.Read
Questions
Solo aging questions
What is a solo ager?
An older adult who doesn’t have a spouse, partner or adult children to rely on for care, by choice or by circumstance. Some never married or had children; others have outlived a spouse or have family who live far away. You may also hear the terms “elder orphan” or “kinless.”
I’m healthy. Isn’t it too early to plan?
No. The best time to plan is before a crisis, while every choice is still yours. A few documents and conversations now can save weeks of confusion later.
Can a patient advocate be my health care agent?
Sometimes, but the rules vary by state and it’s a serious commitment, so it’s something to talk through carefully, along with an attorney. Often the better plan is to name someone you trust and have an advocate support them.
Do you only help people in Raleigh-Durham?
I go to appointments and visit in person in Raleigh, Durham and Chapel Hill, and I help people anywhere in the country by phone. Call 919-622-0840 to talk it through.
Let’s make a plan, while every choice is still yours.
The first consultation is free. Tell me what’s happening and we’ll work out the next step together.